


On A Rainy Night

by Nelioe



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Angst, Cheating, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, M/M, Regret, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sexual Content, Suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-07 14:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7717711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelioe/pseuds/Nelioe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili has made his decision and it isn't in Fili's favour. Alone and heartbroken Fili tries to deal with the lovesickness as best as he can, but then, a couple of weeks later, someone he never wanted to see again is waiting on his doorstep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

Fili cursed, his feet felt cold and numb and the water oozing into his shoes with every step only worsened his mood. He needed a car. Often he would tell himself he didn't need one, not when the next underground station was only a few blocks away, but he couldn't help it now but admit that parking in front of his house would be way more comfortable during the current weather. At least he had taken his umbrella with him in the morning, only taking a look at the dark clouds urging him, just to be safe. But his shoes were a different story, they were the only pair going well together with his suit, when he had to attend business meetings with his uncle and wasn't just sitting in his office, handling application after application. Even precaution wasn't able to spare his feet from drowning in puddles, although he tried to avoid stepping into them of course, they seemed to be everywhere. No matter how small or big, the water drenched his shoes in mere seconds. Fili just wanted to get inside his house as fast as possible, get rid of the drenched shoes and put on a comfy pair of warms socks.

However, Fili was put to a sudden halt when he rounded the corner, heading for his door in the estate of terraced houses. On the stairs sat a lonely figure with just the light of the street lamps illuminating his shape and soaking wet. No one seemed to have gone out in such weather, expect for them, offering them unwelcome privacy. Fili would have preferred pavements bursting with people and open windows to let the last rays of a warm autumn sun shine into the house, saving him from a scene, which might occur now. Fili wasn't lucky, still standing in uncomfortable wet shoes, the grey rain clouds dousing the world in a dark hue as his eyes couldn't turn away from Kili.

He took in the hunched shoulders, the way he had drawn his knees to his chest, probably to keep at least some warmth in his body, while the rest had to be drained away by the rain and the icy gale howling through the streets. The brunet looked small and lost, causing Fili's chest to constrict painfully at the sight. Clenching his fists with a silent curse, Fili couldn't decide what to do. What was Kili even doing here? He had told him not to come here again, that it was over, that he didn't want to be a petty affair and that, if Kili couldn't make the decision himself, he should at least make it easier for Fili in breaking the contact.

Kili had chosen his boyfriend and so far the blond had been able to live with it pretty good. Sure, there was this tight feeling inside his chest, whenever he thought of the other and he had shed his fair amount of tears after the break-up, but this aside he was fine. Well... maybe not in a happy way and yes, he had collected quite a lot extra hours to delay going home as long as possible, knowing the silence in his home – a silence he'd enjoyed before Kili stepped into his life – would drive him insane. Okay... perhaps he wasn't fine, but work was great. He managed trice as much as he usually would and the company was very pleased with all the finished applications, telling him he could be proud of himself. And Fili was.... when the tiredness wasn't getting the better of him, which it constantly seemed to do.

Alright, maybe he was still pretty fucked up, all the worse that Kili was now sitting here, reminding him of what he couldn't have with the force of a truck hitting him. Fili had half a mind to turn around and invite himself over to his uncle for dinner, the brunet hadn't spotted his motionless figure so far, after all. In the end, though, Fili didn't. They needed to set things straight right away or Kili might show up here again and Fili wouldn't be able to handle it, knowing that he was going to break at one point.

With a sigh he stepped towards the other, the roaring of the rain swallowing the sounds of his footsteps, only catching Kili's attention when no more than one stair tread separated them. The eyes meeting his were so hopeful it caused all the feelings to surface again, Fili had tried to suppress. He almost wanted to beg Kili to change his mind, to come back to him... almost. There were better ways to humble himself than this.

"What are you doing here?" Fili asked him tiredly, hoping for a stupid answer that would give him a reason to shout.

The small movements of the brunet's lips could come either from the cold or swallowing hard.

"I didn't know where else to go," Kili confessed quietly and averted his gaze.

Had his boyfriend thrown him out once more? It wouldn't be the first time and those choleric tantrums were part of a long list of reasons the blond wasn't able to understand why Kili was still with him. Love was a strange thing sometimes, though, Fili knew this fact far too well.

He didn't want to let him in, wanted to tell him to go to someone else, but he was aware of the fact that Kili didn't have any close friends. Guys he would go out drinking with, but hardly the type one wanted to confide in, not to mention that the brunet's parents lived on the other side of the country. Fili was the only one he trusted with his problems, which made the whole situation only more painful, because Fili wasn't cruel and as much as he needed to turn him away, the blond just couldn't.

He sighed. "Get up and come in before you catch your death out here."

Kili stiffly got to his feet, limbs numb from the cold, and stepped aside so Fili could unlock the door. Fili’s whole being dreaded the following conversation. He couldn’t let Kili in again, hadn’t even managed to push him out in the first place. On the end of this awful day only heartbreak seemed to wait for him.

Turning the lights on and catching a good glance at Kili’s face, he nearly let the umbrella and the briefcase slip from his fingers, although the blond didn’t put them down much more careful either, so it probably wouldn’t have made a difference at all, even if he hadn’t managed to catch them in time. With wide eyes and mouth hanging slightly agape, he took a hurried step towards the other, hands cupping his face out of instinct and trying to examine the damage. The bruised cheek and split lip had been completely hidden by the shadow of the darkness.

“How did that happen?” He demanded to know. “Is this _his_ doing?”

When gentle hands came up around his, pushing them slowly away, Fili realised what he was doing here. He didn’t have the right to touch Kili like this anymore and he didn’t want it either, but it was too late for that now, the ache inside his chest felt already like it had grown so much his skin seemed to stretch taut around it, as if all the hurt was only seconds away from breaking out of him. This was the least he needed right now, breaking down in front of Kili. He had to get a grip on himself.

“It’s not important,” Kili replied in a small voice, too small. Where was the fierce young man Fili had fallen in love with? Where the mischievous gleam in his eyes, where his smile? Oh, it did matter what that bastard had done. Although Kili had decided to stay with him, so what would give Fili the permission to say anything about it, without causing an argument that would hurt him even further? Fili was tired of hurting. “Can we… perhaps… just talk?” Kili wondered hopefully.

Fili hated that little part inside him that was still hoping Kili had changed his mind and would choose him instead of the arsehole the brunet lived with. It was doing him no good, but knowing this wasn’t helpful at all in shutting that voice in his head up. However, talking to Kili now was out of question for a different reason. Wet hair and clothes left a little puddle around the brunet’s feet, dripping down his form slowly but steadily. The other's body was trembling with cold and Fili thought he could even hear Kili’s teeth chatter.

“No, you will take a hot shower and then we will talk,” Fili told him.

It almost seemed like Kili was going to protest, but in the end his miserable state seemed to remind him that a hot shower was a perfect idea and therefore he nodded. Fili avoided his gaze for the following minutes, didn’t try to look and listen how Kili took off his shoes with a groan, probably because of his stiff muscles, simply handed him a clean towel, before urging him to the bathroom, mumbling that he was going to fetch him some dry clothes.

Fili sighed with relief as soon as Kili had locked the door to the bathroom behind him and headed to the bedroom. There were still drawers with Kili’s clothes. Clothes the brunet had never picked up and Fili hadn’t dared to sort out, they felt like a little promise, a small soothing speck of light, a whispering hope that Kili might return. It was stupid and painful, but even pain was better than forgetting Kili. God, he was so fucked up, had to be such a masochist to do this to himself. Fili swallowed the new wave of hurt as he opened one of the drawers for the first time since Kili had left. They even still smelled like him. This couldn’t go on. Something needed to change after tonight. All lovesickness aside, this wasn’t healthy.

He grabbed a pair of dry socks for himself, before walking into the kitchen and putting the kettle on. Afterwards he placed Kili’s boots in front of the heater and mopped up the little sea of water on his floor, all the while hearing the sounds of the running shower coming from the bathroom. Finished with all of this he returned to the kitchen and leaned against the worktop, massaging his brow tiredly. All those memories attacking him, all the good times…

Fili had met Kili in a bar, the brunet coming up to him all of a sudden, warning him some creepy arsehole had put something into his drink when he wasn’t looking. After the guy was gone they had started talking, clicking instantly. From the first moment Fili found himself smitten with Kili’s smiles, bright and so contagious he couldn’t help but feel a happiness bubble up in his chest. They had met a few times afterwards, watching movies together, going to the pup, hiking… even going on vacation, although this didn’t happen until a long way into the affair. They had both been drunk during the first kiss. Kili had confessed he had a boyfriend, hot breath hitting his lips and Fili had half a mind to stop what had just began, but then Kili leaned in again and it was all Fili wanted.

On the next morning they compromised on their night being nothing more than a one-night stand, but neither he nor Kili could stay true to their word. A week later they slept together again, then three days after that, then another week, days, days, days, hours. Always telling themselves it would be the last time. Neither of them liked cheating, but they seemed to need each other with a force Fili had never experienced before. For nearly a year it went on like this, until Fili couldn’t take it anymore and gave Kili the choice whether he would stay with him or his boyfriend.

He heaved a deep sigh, unable to allow his mind to wander to any more destructive thoughts, when the door to the bathroom opened and Kili stepped out, wearing nothing but a towel around his hips. He opened his mouth as if to ask for the dry clothes, when he spotted the ones Fili had brought with him to the kitchen. Fili, however, felt ice cold with shock. If he had thought Kili’s face to look terrible his body did even more so. Dark bruises littered the lean frame. It was the first time the blond saw the other like this, but it didn’t ease the shock or the anger that followed.

Fili stopped the brunet when he was just about to reach for the clothes, taking a look at Kili’s back and inspecting him thoughtfully, his rage growing with every spot he detected on the otherwise, from the shower, rosy-tinted skin.

“Fili?” Kili’s voice cut hesitantly through the seething emotions screaming inside him.

Only then did Fili realise he had clenched his fists.

“I’m going to fucking kill that bastard!” the blond spat. He knew he could never truly kill someone, but it felt good to let this threat tumble from his lips.

Hands wrapped gently around his wrists and Fili couldn’t help but meet Kili’s pleading eyes.

“Let’s just forget about it, please.”

“He hurt you,” Fili argued.

“I provoked him.”

Fili cursed inwardly, seeing the look Kili was giving him, a look that indicated he was believing the nonsense he uttered. His knowledge about abusive relationships was pretty vague, he had always thought abusive aimed either at sexual or physical violence. It was the first time he truly understood how much the cruel words in this relationship must’ve twisted the brunet’s mind.

“Kili,” Fili therefore began slowly. “There is no excuse for what he did to you.”

The way the brunet pressed his lips into a thin line told Fili it was the only thing that prevented him from protesting.

“Please, tell me you won’t go back to him.” Perhaps it was a foolish thing to ask. Perhaps he would only open himself up to more heartbreak, but Fili had to ask. Even if Kili didn’t want him in the long run, all he wanted for the brunet was happiness and if he wasn’t included in this, then he would learn to live with it and knowing Kili had finally gotten rid of that idiot might be very helpful in that matter.

“I won’t,” Kili breathed. “It’s why I’m here… he… ah… he wasn’t particularly thrilled when I told him I was leaving him for you.”

He stared numbly at the brunet, his mind unable to catch up with the meaning of the words. Kili had come here to stay with him? To be with him? The concept of having a future together sounded so foreign in his ears and still... a part of the ache was finally ceasing, allowing him to breathe more freely. After all the heartbreak and longing, had he just really heard what he believed?

Kili squirmed under his unresponsive state. Nervous and rejected, he averted his eyes.

“That is, if you still want me.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

_“That is, if you still want me.”_

 

 

 

He had no idea how much Fili still wanted him. The bruises couldn’t reduce his beauty. His long hair, now wet from the shower and not the cold rain, his handsome features, the strong chest, gentle hands, adorable ears, warm brown eyes, a smile that could bath the world in light. And he finally wouldn’t have to share him? It should scare him, how fast the desire inside him was awoken again, but any rational thought had left him, at the prospect of finally being the only one to kiss him, to love him.

Fili moved forward without realising what he was doing. One moment he stared at the other in disbelief, the next he was drawing Kili into a kiss. If the split lip hurt the brunet hid it well, returning the kiss just as fiercely and pulling closer, causing their chests to press together, skin against fabric. Fili pushed until Kili’s back rested at the wall. His fingers burned with the need to touch and explore the other’s naked flesh, as if they were starving.

The brunet wrapped his arms around him without a second of hesitation, movements like an intuitive reaction as his fingers clung to the collar of his suit. Kili’s body was warm under his hands, firm and soft at the same time, just like he remembered, but still not a feeling he was used to, always surprising him in one way or another. The way the other managed to move his tongue so slowly, caressing his almost gently, while all Fili wanted was to take him to bed, sent shivers down his spine.

Breaking the kiss, Fili made good of having all the exposed skin in front of him, turning his attention to Kili’s neck, who willingly tilted his head and allowed him better access. The heavy breathing next to his ear and the little moans coaxed from the other’s throat merely increased the lust surging through him.

Hands began to work at his tie, loosening it with skilful fingers and sending it sailing to the ground, ere they went for the buttons of his shirt. There was barely enough space for them to fit, as Fili and Kili grinded against each other, sending fire through the blond’s nerve pathways, until his cock started to harden from the delicious friction. And still his shirt felt wider and less suffocating with every set of panting, hot breath ghosting over his ear.

Fili leaned back far enough for Kili to undress his upper body, literally yanking the shirt from where it was tucked in. He saw the same desire shine in the other’s eyes that his own had to display and without thinking further, Fili took his hand, leading him to the bedroom. The towel slid to the floor on the way, offering him Kili in all his glory.

They picked up where they had left off in the kitchen, when Fili pushed the brunet onto the bed. His mind seemed completely blank, only demanded Kili’s hot body under his, wanted to watch the way his muscles moved in their shared rhythm, yearned for a deep voice panting his name like a mantra, wanted to drown in their closeness. God, it had felt like a lifetime since they had been together like this and even though he relished the feeling of Kili’s mouth attacking his, of fingers gliding over his skin until he shivered with anticipation, it still didn’t seem right just yet, not intense enough, not fast enough. He needed more, more skin, more pleasure, more noise, more of everything!

Meanwhile Kili had loosened his belt, one hand sneaking past his waistband. Fili hissed as it grasped his cock, breaking their kiss to pant against Kili’s lips, whereas the grip slowly turned into strokes that drew a moan from his lips. Fumbling with the handle of the drawer of the bedside cabinet jittery, it took far longer than it should to find the lube, as Kili continued with his unrelenting teasing.

After what felt like an eternity, for he didn't seem to be able to stop touching or kissing the brunet, Fili finally managed to coat one of his fingers and pressed it against Kili’s entrance. The brunet’s movements faltered, breath hitching as Fili breached him. Leaning forward once more to swallow the small whines escaping Kili’s throat. He barely felt the hand retreating from his throbbing cock, in favour of winding it around his back, searching for something to hold on to as Kili began to meet the thrust of Fili’s digits, as soon as the blond deemed the other loose enough to enter another. The weight of the belt pulled his trousers down to his knees.

Bending his fingers inside Kili, effectively pressing them against his prostate, Fili caused the brunet to moan out loud.

"Please, Fili..." he panted. "I want you... please."

"Soon." Fili whispered against his neck as he kept stretching him. "I don't want to hurt you."

He trailed open mouthed kisses down Kili's tanned throat, feeling his pulse race under the skin. Kili closed his eyes tight and tried to take in deep breaths to relax his body and soon he was ready to take a third finger.

Fili didn't waste any time, pulling away momentarily just to add more lube. Then the fingers were back, pushing against Kili's entrance and slowly sliding in, the muscle stretching around them. Fili watched them go in and when he looked up at the brunet their eyes locked. The love and lust Kili saw in Fili's blue eyes made him gasp and he reached to hold his face between his hands, bringing him down and kissing senseless, messy and drawn out.

Eventually Fili broke away to come up for air and rested his forehead against Kili's.

"Please Fee... I'm ready now, just take me, please." He sounded breathless and a bit desperate and when Fili saw how flushed he was he just couldn't hold it any longer.

He pulled his fingers out again, careful not to move brusquely, wiggled out of his askew pants and applied more lube, this time directly onto his cock. He gave it a couple of strokes to make sure it was coated properly, then he moved closer and guided himself into position, finding resistance at first until Kili's body opened up and took him in. He pressed forward until he was all the way inside, the intensity making them both moan and hold still for a while, allowing themselves to get used to the feeling.

Once he felt Kili relax under him, Fili gently pulled one of the brunet’s bend legs up, hooking it over his shoulder. The other gasped, as this position allowed Fili to sink even deeper, taking fully control of the situation. Kili couldn’t really push back like that, was doomed to endure the rhythm Fili set and completely at his mercy. Fili loved it and experience told him that Kili did, too.

Supporting himself on one arm while leaning forward slightly, he bend the brunet as Fili reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers, guiding himself as deep as he could reach and drawing an obscene moan from Kili’s lips.

“So full,” he slurred, a blissful expression adorning his features.

Fili took this as an encouragement to start moving. He kept his thrusts slow and gentle, knowing that this position could have the tendency of turning out painful, if his partner wasn’t in the mood for a harder pace. The way Kili was squeezing his hand at the end of each thrust told him everything he needed to know, as he lost himself in the feeling of a warm passage welcoming him, creating delicious friction on his cock.

Only once did he need to adjust his angle a little to hit Kili’s prostate with every push, drawing moan after moan from the brunet’s lips, interspersed with pants, carrying his name and inciting him to keep his pace. Soon Kili sounded breathless, as if he couldn’t inhale enough oxygen, but still he praised him with every sound of pleasure echoing from the walls.

Oh, how he loved these sounds, knowing he was the one making Kili beg for more. His own name moaned in pleasure, breath hitching as he pounded into the waiting body, flushed cheeks, sweat, the way Kili’s hands held on to him, the trust meeting him in the other’s eyes, it all contained something utterly erotic, a feeling that wandered straight to his cock, driving him closer the peak with every other thrust.

Nothing mattered besides the tight heat, Kili’s warm body under his, heavy breathing and the pleasure taking over. Nothing mattered besides them and when the brunet clamped around him even tighter as his orgasm hit him, Fili couldn’t hold back any longer. Kili’s scream was completely devoid of any shame and restraint. He was loud and passionate in everything he did and Fili loved it, causing him to feel encouraged and important at the other’s side. With none of his former lovers he had experienced this strong sense of desirableness, as if he was the most eligible bachelor. A bachelor everyone was lusting after, but he was only ever going to give himself to Kili.

With the orgasmic bliss subsiding and his desire satisfied, his head finally seemed to comprehend again what he was thinking… what he was actually doing. Eyes wandering to Kili’s sated and happy smile, an ice-cold wave of horror washed over him. What had he done? This wasn’t supposed to happen. He’d sworn himself to forget Kili, never wanting to be a dirty little secret again. Instead it had ended like most of his encounters with the brunet, in a flood of lust carrying them away and silencing every sensible thought. Once again he’d slept with Kili, was still buried deep inside him and Fili cursed his treacherous heart, luring him in a situation that could only end with pain.

Sure, Kili had told him he’d left his boyfriend, but uttered no assurance to truly stay with him this time. And even if, they should’ve talked! This wasn’t right! This was all wrong! After all, Kili could’ve chosen him right from the beginning. He hadn't. Fili was merely second best after the first choice rejected him.

Even though he wanted to bring as much distance between himself and Kili as fast as possible, he managed to control the urge to flee, pulled out carefully and guided the leg sitting on his shoulders to the mattress, trying to ignore the sight of his cum dripping from the other man.

Following this, there wasn’t anything stopping him, as he stumbled to his feet, away from the bed. For the first time the content expression on Kili’s features wavered, giving in to concern creeping to his features.

“Fili?”

The blond fished for a towel in the wardrobe next to him, tossing it on the bed, right into Kili’s reach.

“You should clean yourself up,” he told him, unable to meet the other’s eyes, his shame at his own lack of self-control almost choking him.

The brunet made no move, staring at him in disbelief.

“Do you… do you regret it?” he wondered, a mixture of hurt, fear and scoff in his trembling voice. Fili knew him long enough to know that the last was merely a defensive mechanism.

“I do,” the blond answered without hesitation, for indeed, he did.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kili flinch, before he finally took the towel, wiping himself clean in a motion that seemed erratic and deficient. Afterwards he got up, startling Fili from his rueful state as he hurried out of the bedroom.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fast update because of the mean cliffhanger. :3

 

 

_Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kili flinch, before he finally took the towel, wiping himself clean in a motion that seemed erratic and deficient. Afterwards he got up, startling Fili from his rueful state as he hurried out of the bedroom._

 

 

 

 

Once the initial shock had abated, the blond followed him, just in time to see through the ajar bathroom door, how Kili tried to struggles back into his wet clothes. Crossing the distance separating them in a couple of heartbeats, he reached for the other’s wrist, stopping him.

“Let go of me,” Kili hissed.

“I don’t want you to go,” he argued. Especially not before they could talk and certainly not when it meant sending him out in the rain in drenched clothes.

“You said you regretted it!” the brunet responded angrily. However, he was neither able to hide the moist shimmer in his eyes nor the way he almost choked on the words.

“Because we should’ve talked before,” Fili said, trying to sound as kind as possible in their current plight.

“Of what use would that be, if you regret being with me?” Kili accused him.

He looked hurt and small, but Fili couldn’t spare him any pity. All the pain he’d nursed during the last weeks broke out of him in that moment.

“For crying out loud!” he exclaimed. “Don’t act like the victim! You freaking hurt me!”

Kili flinched, taking an unconscious step back and wiggling out of Fili’s hold.

“I told you I loved you! I told you I wanted more than being your dirty little secret! I wanted a real relationship! I couldn’t continue like this and when I asked you to make a decision, you didn’t say anything! For weeks I thought this was your way of rejecting me and that you choose your boyfriend and tonight you are suddenly sitting on my stairs and telling me you left him for me. What did you expect? That I am happy to be second best?  How can I be sure you won’t run back to him after a while? How can I be sure I can trust you? So excuse me, but until this isn’t resolved, I truly regret what we just did!”

The other stared at him, shocked. Hands raised in front of his chest, as if to protect himself, blinking silently as he tried to sort out whatever was going on inside him now. Meanwhile Fili was breathing hard, feeling like he was going to choke on all that anger and betrayal raging through him. He still wanted Kili with a fervency that scared him, longed to have him in his life, in his arms, in his home again. At the same time, however, he cursed himself for giving in to those urges, sex wasn't going to solve any of their issues. It only seemed to make them worse. Kili’s reaction… had he truly believed everything would be just fine if he showed up here after all those weeks? On the other hand, the way Fili had reacted to his confession might have caused him to get his hopes up…

“I wanted to be with you and only with you already before you asked me,” the brunet confessed eventually.

Fili frowned.

“If that was the case… why did you leave without a word? Why didn’t you-,“ he wasn’t able to finish, helplessly fishing for the right words, but coming up empty. What Kili was telling him wasn’t making any sense.

“I… I felt like I owed Anton an explanation first. I cheated on him for so long… I… I just needed to do that before coming to you…”

“But you never came to me before tonight,” Fili noticed with a grimace.

He was able to see Kili’s larynx bob, as he swallowed hard. He wasn’t meeting the blond’s gaze, simply looked at the floor with a conflict-laden expression.

“When I told him I met someone, he didn’t even let me finish… he… uh… he begged me all of a sudden to stay with him… he apologised and said he would stop drinking and that he couldn’t do it without me and I… I felt so guilty for cheating on him… I thought the least I should do was to help him through the first weeks of withdrawal, until he had both feet back on the ground again. I mean… I… I was so terrible to him. I shouldn’t have cheated. I should’ve left him and… staying with him for a little while longer was the least I could do… I owed him.”

Kili looked up at the last word, meeting him with so much desperation radiating from his eyes, it send a stab of pain and unease through Fili’s chest. The other was begging him to understand, to forgive him.

“And when I told him today that I was breaking up with him,” the brunet seemed to take his silence as a sign to continue, “he got angry.”

“He beat you up,” Fili clarified.

Kili nodded, dropping his gaze with worry, ere he suddenly shook his head.

“No… no, that’s not what happened. He… ah… hit me… but only once!” He sounded as if he tried to will Fili to believe him, but the blond had a hard time with it.

“And where are all those bruises coming from, then?”

His gaze traced the dark marks on the other’s skin. Chest, arms, legs, the proof of violence was littering his body.

“I fell down the stairs. It wasn’t him,” Kili defended his ex.

Inhaling sharply, Fili could barely stop himself from slamming his fist into the next wall. This sick piece of shit! Kili could’ve died! Could’ve cracked his head open, could’ve ended up with so much more than just a couple of bruises! If he had known what a bastard Anton was... He should’ve helped Kili to get away from him, instead of leaving him with a choice. Fili didn’t want to think about the possibilities, of learning of Kili’s death, unable to protect him, just because he hadn’t been trying hard enough. If things hadn’t turned out the way they did today… he could’ve lost him, for God’s sake!

Nevertheless, something stopped him from bridging what little distance lay between them and pull the man he loved into a tight hug, reassuring himself he was alright. It was nagging at the back of his mind, a question he wasn’t able to figure out the answer to.

“Kili, it was _him_! He hit you. You fell down the stairs, because of him. It could’ve killed you!” he argued urgently, feeling quite helpless at the look displayed on Kili’s features. “How can you defend him? Let alone stay with him for so long?”

“He wasn’t always like that,” Kili whispered, tremors captivating him.

It took all of Fili’s self-control to keep himself from groaning with disbelief. Still, it felt like he was finally gaining some insight he desperately needed.

“Kili,” he began softly, finally catching the other’s gaze. “Please, let’s just get dressed, sit down and talk. I love you and I want you to stay here, but there is still so much I can’t make sense of. Please, help me to understand what’s going on.”

It felt like an eternity passed, before Kili nodded in silent agreement. Afterwards they got dressed and Fili decided to make some tea, as if he was still a little boy and his mother insisted that a good cup of tea could heal anything. How much he wished for this to be true right now.

The brunet looked uncomfortable and pretty shaken up by the time they took a seat on the couch, he on one end and Kili on the other. He wasn’t the vibrant young man anymore Fili had met in that pub a year ago, right now he looked lost and broken and everything inside Fili screamed to comfort him, but his own heart was bleeding with rejection and couldn’t heal in the blink of an eye. It was the first time he began to wonder if Kili had perhaps kept some of his feelings a secret, so he wouldn’t need to answer the blond’s questions. Maybe he had locked the unhappiness and wariness away. He had said this Anton had promised him to stop drinking and Fili couldn’t imagine that something like alcoholism would leave Kili cold. It had caused suffering, no doubt. But this still wouldn’t explain why Kili had stayed with him the whole time instead of just breaking up and hurting Fili in the process.

Fili took a sip of his tea, glad to have something to avoid looking at the brunet. Whereas Kili made no move to reach for the cup, he merely crossed his arms in front of his chest in an obvious desire for protection. In all their time together, Fili had never seen him this vulnerable.

Despite his words in, though, Fili found himself unable to begin the conversation, searching for questions but coming up blank. However, they needed to talk and so what left his mouth in the end was perhaps an insensitive one, but at least it dispelled the silence.

“Why did you stay with him for so long?”

“He wasn’t always like that,” Kili told him again, shrugging and glancing hurriedly at him, ere he was lowering his gaze once more.

“He threw you out quite often,” Fili pointed out, aiming at what little he knew.

Every time it happened, they had spent it together. Kili would come here, with a sparse explanation and Fili wouldn't ask. He didn’t want to hear about the man the brunet was living with, shielding himself from the pain listening would’ve brought along. Although, the way things seemed right now, he doubted Kili would’ve told him anything specific, if he had asked.

“That was my fault. I provoked him and he always apologised,” the other replied, a desperate note audible in his voice.

“Provoked him with what?” Fili snapped.

He winced as soon as the words were out, but didn’t apologise. He knew this was the wrong approach. Still, he couldn’t help it. There was so much frustration and hurt tightening his chest, until he felt like he wasn’t able to breathe anymore without tearing any minute. After giving his heart to the other man and having his hopes crushed, crazy working hours to swallow the pain, but not succeeding, Fili simply wasn’t able to wait patiently. He wanted answers and he wanted them now and Kili’s unusual reticent behaviour wasn’t helping.

To his surprise Kili didn’t flinch at the harsh reaction, merely seemed to tense, even though Fili couldn’t tell what of this was worse.

“I’m… I’m not a good boyfriend,” he said, licking his lips as if to test the following lines.

Fili frowned in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“I… uh… I met him when I was seventeen. Anton was my first boyfriend. Most of the guys I knew were either straight or not interested in me and I… I was so proud when, after a few dates, he asked me to be his boyfriend. I mean, he is ten years older than me, so he was experienced and charming and kind and I… I was really happy. My parents didn’t like him, but I thought it was because of the age gap. I really thought he was the one. I was planning the rest of my life with him.”

Kili swallowed, blinking swiftly a couple of times.

“When I got a job offer Anton seemed happy. He said he would quit his job and follow me, so we could finally move in together, because up to this point I wouldn’t have managed to pay the rent and he hadn’t much money to spare either. So we moved here and… I don’t know… I must’ve been terrible to live with. At first he got angry a couple of times and told me that he wasn’t interested in my boring work stories and accused me that I was constantly annoying him with it on purpose. So I cut back on it. But that wasn’t good enough.”

While Fili had deliberately avoided looking at Kili before, he now wasn’t able to take his eyes off of him. He couldn’t help but notice the increased trembling, the bloodshot eyes announcing tears and the way he tried to make himself small. The sight made his stomach churn with unease.

“When he came home from work and I hadn’t made dinner, he got angry and told me that it was my job as a good boyfriend to make sure he was well fed. Sometimes he said my parents raised me badly, when I didn’t clean often enough and that I was irresponsible and lucky to have him, because I was obviously too young to live on my own and wouldn’t manage without him. When we had sex, though, he would always apologise. He said he was sorry for being so harsh with me, that he was just trying to help, that the world could be cruel and everyone would judge me, if I wasn’t perfect and he just wanted me to learn and… I mean… it made sense… this was my first relationship… the first time I was living on my own and he was older, so he had to know better… I trusted him, when he said my parents coddled me too much and I needed to toughen up.”

Fili closed his eyes with anguish. Tried to imagine what it would do to someone to hear this viciousness for years from a person they loved. After all, Kili was twenty-four and was living in this city for almost three years now. Three years with that guy. But Kili wasn’t finished yet.

“We weren’t even living here for a year, when he lost his job. He was frustrated and began drinking. Anton said it was my fault. That he had lost his job because he was so angry with me, because I could be so stupid and ignored his well-meant advice so often. He let that anger out on his costumers and got fired… and I felt so guilty… I… he was just trying to help-” Fili shook his head with a grimace, “-and I didn’t try hard enough… he found another job some months later, but every time I asked him to stop drinking, he said I pushed him into this and I shouldn’t be such a hypocrite and change myself, before I ask of others to change for me.”

Without noticing Fili slid closer, almost able to reach for Kili’s hand, should he decide to lean towards him. He didn’t want to ask the next question, but if he wanted to be able to understand why the other had acted the way he did, he needed to press.

“What did he do then?”

“He began throwing me out and would leave me a message at work when I was allowed to come home again. If I was lucky I could grab my wallet to pay for a hotel room. If not… well…”

Fili waited patiently for Kili to continue, his own hands shaking with the force he was clutching the couch beside his legs. Arseholes like this Anton shouldn’t be allowed to ruin other people’s lives, to fuck with their heads until they thought they deserved that awful treatment. But unfortunately, there was no law punishing manipulative men like him.

“I learned pretty fast to store some clothes in my office, after my colleagues once looked at me oddly, when I wore the same clothes for nearly a week. But that time I was lucky and lived at least in a hotel. Other times I didn’t have any money. I would manage to eat at work and sleep outside. It isn’t that hard in the summer, most nights are warm. Winter and rainy nights are different. I mean, there is a train station with a warm waiting area, but you can’t go there every night or people become suspicious. So sometimes I would just go to a pup, stay close to a group, so the staff would think I was with them and wait for the night to pass.”

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath to calm his raging emotions.

“And if both options didn’t work?”

Kili shrugged awkwardly. “I would sleep outside.”

“Did he throw you out on the day we met?”

No words were needed, the nod, barely noticeable hadn’t he looked closed enough, was all Fili needed. He moved without thinking, wrapping an arm around the brunet and pulled him to his chest. Kili seemed to melt into his embrace, pressing against him and holding him so tight, as if he feared Fili would push him away otherwise.

“Why didn’t you ask your parents for help?”

He couldn’t imagine how things like this happened. Why Kili and others allowed their partners to treat them like that. Why they would endure so much pain for a person that was only going to hurt them for all their efforts. But perhaps this way of thinking came from never being in such a situation himself.

“I was ashamed,” Kili murmured at his chest. “Had I called them… they would’ve remonstrated with me about how right they had been about Anton from the very beginning. I was scared they would tell me that nothing of this would’ve happened, had I listened to them. I didn’t want them to be right and I… and I thought, perhaps I could change him… that I could do better and that we could be happy again.”

Fili had to bite on his tongue to stop himself from telling Kili that people like Anton would never change. This wasn’t what the younger man needed to hear, though. He was frightened enough of receiving the blame for his actions as it was and Fili didn’t want to add more to it. Besides, it seemed logical. After years of being told he was at fault for everything that happened to him, it wasn’t surprising Kili was scared of it.

“But then I met you and being with you was so… easy. You didn’t get angry all the time. You took me on vacation… he never did. And he never just cuddled with me on the couch while watching a movie… he called it childish. And you… you asked me about my day and you listened and… and I knew you didn’t have to, because it was only an affair and nothing needed to come of it, but you did anyway… and I… I had forgotten how it felt to be happy.”

Kili's shoulders were shaking with silent sobs. Fili tightened his hold, kissing the top of the brunet’s head and tried to offer as much comfort as his arms were capable of. Slowly his shirt began to feel moist where Kili’s head rested.

“But then, when he asked me not to leave him. I felt guilty. Like I hadn’t fought hard enough for what I had and that-“

“No, stop it,” Fili soothed him. “A relationship is about give and take, about mutual trust and love. It wasn’t right of him to demand of you to cook and clean all the time. It wasn’t right of him to ignore you and belittle you. You fought harder for him than he deserved. He treated you terribly. It’s not your fault, Kili.”

“Please, don’t leave me,” he begged him, sounding as if the words were about to choke him.

Fili’s heart broke for the other. Despite finally knowing Kili’s situation there wasn’t a sudden bright future awaiting them. The man he loved had been so deeply hurt and the blond had no idea how to heal the wounds ripped into his soul. The only thing he could do was to love him, but it felt like it wasn’t enough. The sense of helplessness attacking him hit him with the force of a physical blow.

“I won’t. I love you, Kili. I want to spent my life with you, nothing has changed that,” he reassured him softly.

Kili’s breath hitched.

“I want to be with you, too.”

“Then that’s what we are going to do,” Fili promised him.

There was just one thing he needed to know. Oh, how he wished to leave it at that, let Kili cry on his shoulder until the trembles left his body, until all the hurt drained from him and he could laugh again, be the happy young man again Fili had fallen in love with and display those open beautiful smiles that simply seemed to be a part of him. But he was scared of messing things up, if he didn’t ask. If they wanted this to work after everything Kili had been through, Fili had to know how to look for the signs.

“Kili?”

“Mh?”

“Has he ever… forced himself upon you?”

Kili stiffened in his arms, this and his hesitation were answer enough and Fili closed his eyes in anguish. His throat constricted, hampering his breathing as he struggled to retain his composure. Even though Kili didn’t need to add anything else to his reaction, he swallowed audibly:

“It’s not like that. He… uh… he never forced me… uhm… he… he just… he complained that normal couples had more sex than we did and that his friends were laughing at him, when he told them about his passionless relationship. So we… we just agreed to have more sex… that’s all. I… I agreed. He… he didn’t force me.”

“But you slept with him, even though you would’ve preferred doing something else,” Fili argued and when Kili didn’t deny it, the first tear slipped past his lids.

If he had known. If he had simply understood what had been going on… what it meant… he could’ve talked to him sooner, tried to convince him to leave this abusive scum, not even necessarily so Kili would stay with him, but just to know him safe. To think about what his lover was enduring, while Fili was completely oblivious to his struggles hurt like a physical wound. Yes, he had been busy with his own feelings, unable to choose between the happiness of having Kili close and the rejection of being nothing more than an affair, but this awareness couldn’t silence the guilt surging through him.

There was no way to change the past, though. They could only work together at their future, ensuring Kili never had to experience such hostility again. Stroking the brunet’s dishevelled hair tenderly, he sent his silent thanks to whoever would listen. It wasn’t natural to have Kili in his arms, alive, breathing and if a part of him had ever taken him for granted, it would never again.

“Please, promise me, you will tell me if I make you uncomfortable or am trying to push you into something you don’t like. Just one word and I will stop whatever I’m doing. I want you to feel safe with me. I want you to be happy. More than anything,” Fili whispered into his hair, as Kili shivered in his hold.

When Kili looked up at him his eyes were filled with unshed tears, tracks of those he’d wept already visible on his cheeks, and his voice was shaky when he spoke. "Thank you... I promise.”

Fili leaned in to kiss him then, this one void of the lust they had shared not long ago, carrying only gratefulness and speaking of love. It was tender and soft, spreading warmth trough his chest. One of Fili’s hands came up to cup the side of Kili’s head, wiping the traces of tears from his cheeks.

The younger man heaved a quiet sigh as they broke apart again, leaning against Fili and looking clearly exhausted. Caressing his side affectionately, the blond sagged deeper into the cushions of the couch, pulling Kili along with him. There he finally felt like he could relax, enjoying their closeness, the way Kili just seemed to fit right in his arms, as if he was a missing part of him at last returned.

This was what Fili wanted. Sitting here, having Kili beside him, spending their evenings in comfortable silence, in passion, with chatting or playful teasing. He wanted to listen to Kili’s laugh, to tickle him until he was out of breath, feel his soft skin under his fingertips and drown in his dark eyes. There was so much he wanted to share with him, like travelling to far-away countries to create beautiful memories, take photos they could pin to the wall, to always remember their experiences. It didn’t matter if they would be good or bad, although of course Fili would hope for the former, but that they were together, supporting each other no matter what.

The sheer desire for a shared future almost tore through his chest with longing.

“Will you move in with me?” Fili whispered softly. Kili shifted his head, where it rested at his collarbone, slightly as if searching for an angle that would make listening easier. “I know you said you want to be with me. But I would understand if you need a little distance for now.”

It would break his heart all over again, but he wouldn’t blame Kili. He was here, that was what was important and if he needed time, before going from an abusive relationship into one he had no idea what would await him in, Fili truly couldn’t fault him if he needed time to come to terms with the change. Still, the selfish part inside of him hoped for a positive reply.

“I want to stay with you,” Kili murmured.

Unable to suppress the bright smile claiming his lips, Fili squeezed the other briefly.

“I’m glad. If you want me to help, when you fetch your stuff, just let me know.”

He must’ve chosen the wrong words, for Kili tensed in his arms all of a sudden, dispelling the happiness and replacing it with worry.

“I don’t think he will… can we just forget about him?” the brunet asked him meekly.

Kili might have stopped himself from finishing his sentence, but Fili didn’t need it to guess what all of this was about. Inhaling and exhaling slowly, to release the abrupt surge of anger, – him losing his temper was the last they needed right now, – coming with the thought that the younger’s ex wouldn’t even permit them to fetch Kili’s belongings. This guy needed to learn that he couldn’t just treat others that way. At the moment, though, Kili’s peace of mind was all that mattered and so Fili let go of his grudge for now.

“Of course,” Fili reassured him, brushing another kiss to his unruly hair. “How about we watch a movie? Something sweet and relaxing? You haven’t lost your love for animated movies, have you?”

Kili hesitated – was this perhaps one of the things Anton had mocked him with?

“I would like that,” he replied eventually.

Luckily the remote was still lying on the couch from the last time Fili had watched TV, so he didn’t have to get up. They settled on _Finding Nemo_ and spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

At some point Kili fell asleep in his hold and Fili carefully guided him into a lying position onto the couch. Relieved that Kili didn’t wake up – after the rollercoaster this day had been he needed to rest – Fili went to fetch a blanket, spreading it over the brunet and making sure he was properly tucked in. He considered lying down next to him for a moment, but felt wide-awake. There was an inner unrest gnawing at him and unable to silence it he wandered nervously up and down. Into the kitchen, to the hall, to the bedroom and back.

At one point he noticed he was trembling, without any idea where it came from. But he felt haunted and fidgety, his heart pounding in his chest as if he’d just ran a marathon. When it all became too much he fetched his laptop and took a seat in the kitchen, intending to watch some stupid videos to distract himself from whatever had him in such a state. Instead he found himself googling _abusive relationships_ not much later.

Only when he began reading, he realised what was bothering him was a sensation of helplessness and mental overload. He wanted to help Kili, wanted to make sure he would feel loved and cherished with him, but had no idea how to achieve it, scared of messing up. And so he simply read article after article after article, as if his head couldn’t absorb the information fast enough.

He read about why abuser did what they did – Fili felt nauseated – and why it was so hard for a victim to leave. He read about struggles of those that had to endure violence and psychological terror for years, read of people that died in those relationships and saw pictures of battered women. Only women, as if what Kili had gone through didn’t existed to society. It took searching for a long time, until he found a few scarce articles about men and most of them spoke of victim blaming and shaming - not man enough to stand up for themselves. The urge to get up and smash every heavy object in his reach to the ground got unbearable. But he couldn’t. Didn’t want to wake Kili, didn’t want to scare him. So he simply tried to suffocate the anger inside him, even though it felt like he was going to explode any second.

Fili had no illusions. He would never truly understand what Kili had gone through, however, he felt a little less clueless after everything he’d read. Perhaps he wasn’t the right person to support the brunet with whatever might follow, but he certainly would give it his best shot. He would be patient. He would leave everything he was doing if Kili asked for his presence. He would put him first, come what may.

The display of the clock told him it was just a little after 4am, when Fili flipped the laptop shut. The last hours hadn’t changed his wide-awake state. An urge had developed in his mind after reading all this stuff. If anyone deserved to be spoiled right now, it was Kili and Fili didn’t want to wait with it, as if he would lose his chance if he didn’t start right away. Which was ridiculous, really. Kili was here with him and had agreed to move in with him permanently. No one was going to take him away from him, there would be enough opportunities after being well rested. Telling himself this, though, wasn’t helping in the slightest.

Accepting his fate of a sleepless night, Fili headed into the kitchen and started to rummage through the cupboards. If he aimed for a good beginning in Kili’s life with him, what better way to go about it than making his favourite dish for breakfast? He had enough tea and even the oatmeal would suffice for a proper serving, as Fili feared though, he was out of berries. But he couldn’t make oatmeal without berries and the next shop wouldn’t open before seven.

Fili huffed in sheer annoyance. It couldn’t be so hard to serve Kili his favourite breakfast. He had to go and buy berries, that was for sure. The difficult question was how to pass the time until seven. Ruffling a hand through his hair, Fili dropped onto a chair. The thought of buying things automatically brought him back to Kili’s situation. Had he been able to garb his wallet, when he left? Even if, it would cost a fortune to replace everything the brunet wouldn’t get back. This was terrible. As if Kili hadn’t suffered enough, he also had to live with the knowledge that all of his belongings were lost. This Anton was a fucking arsehole and the way Kili had described him not even talking with him would get him to cooperate, – even though Fili would prefer to punch him a couple of times, – especially not if he went there on his own.

Wait a minute…

Leaping to his feet, Fili fetched his phone, closed the door to the kitchen behind him and dialled a number. While he waited for the other to pick up his phone, the blond began pacing up and down.

“I hope you are bleeding out in some alleyway to call me at this hour!” the person on the other end of the line snapped in lieu of a greeting.

“I need your help. Yours and Nori’s to be precise.” And his car, but Fili left this unspoken.

“You need completely different help if you don’t let me sleep in three seconds!”

“Dwalin, please! Kili is here.”

The line turned so silent for a couple of seconds, Fili feared for a heartbeat Dwalin had hung up.

“Do you want me to throw him out?”

Fili blinked in confusion, ere his overloaded mind realised that _he_ was the only one knowing about Kili’s motives.

“No! I need to get his stuff from his ex. Kili is moving in with me,” Fili explained hurriedly.

Another streak of silence, followed by sigh.

“Fili, you are only making things worse with forgiving him and think about how he-“

“No, Dwalin, listen,” Fili interrupted him. He knew the other simply meant well, had seen how much Kili’s rejection had hurt him and how he’d dealt with it over the last weeks. But back then Fili hadn't known in which terrible situation Kili had been and Dwalin right now didn’t either. Still, blurting out what the brunet had been through would be unfair and cruel. “There were things I didn’t understand. We talked and agreed to try again. He broke up with his boyfriend. I just need your help to fetch his stuff.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Dwalin replied.

“Please! I know the last weeks have been tough. But I wouldn’t call if I didn’t think it’s the right decision. Just trust me, okay?” Fili almost begged him. He needed his support in this. How could they build a strong relationship if they faced nothing but repudiation?

He could hear Dwalin inhale a torn breath.

“Why isn’t Kili fetching it on his own, if he is serious?”

Fili swallowed, unable to figure out how to address Dwalin’s comprehensible question, without outing the nature of Kili’s and Anton’s relationship. Perhaps… perhaps a little hint at the truth would be enough.

“Because he doesn’t think Anton will let him.”

It seemed Fili was forced to deal with initial silence. To his great relief, though, Dwalin cursed.

“Okay, I will give Nori a call and we will be there in half an hour or so. I guess you don’t want to wait?”

“No, I want this to be over as soon as possible. Thank you!”

“You owe me! Throwing me out of bed at this time,” the other man complained.

“I will!” Fili promised and this was the last he was able to utter, before the connection was cut off.

Heaving a deep sigh, the blond tried to calm his rapidly pounding heart. Only then took he notice of how afraid he’d been during the call, expecting the whole time Dwalin wouldn’t help him. He was lucky, though and could count on his distant uncle, a small comfort after what he'd learned during this night. He figured the best way to clear his head was to move and so he began collecting bags and boxes, most of them residing in his storeroom. Now Fili was glad he’d never gotten rid of them after moving here. When he was done and everything was waiting at the entrance door for Dwalin’s and Nori’s arrival, he took a peek into the living room. Kili was still fast asleep.

Nevertheless, Fili wrote a small note, claiming he would be back soon and pinned it to the fridge. Afterwards he put one his shoes, took the boxes and plastic bags and waited with them outside. The rain had stopped.

He didn’t have to wait long and was thankful that Dwalin had obviously accepted his decision and wasn’t scrutinising it. Nori, on the other hand, looked like he was going to fall asleep any second, yawned and stared blearily out of the window. Only the engine of the car cut through the silence during the drive.

By the time they got closer to the address, Fili began to tense noticeably. Although Fili knew the address he’d never been in this part of the city before and wasn’t really sure what he expected. Kili’s home was a terrace house, small, for rent and not special at all, seeing as it looked on the outside like all the others huddling against it. It was reaching from the ground to the first floor and as narrow as it seemed from the outside, Fili suspected not more than four rooms along with a bathroom and a kitchen.

While Dwalin pulled over, Fili recalled what he knew about Kili, before the secrets of this night had been spilled. The realisation punched the breath from his lungs. Clothes, a couple of Blu-ray Discs and books and two photo albums… that was it, the only impact Kili had left in this house. It made Fili shudder when he thought of all the stuff in his own home. If Fili’s belongings symbolized a shoe box, Kili’s were a matchbox.

Fili put another thing to his list. After breakfast, he was going to empty out some parts of his wardrobe and cabinets and clear spots for Kili to fill. He didn’t just want Kili to live with him, he wanted for him to feel at home and Fili certainly wouldn’t stop encouraging the brunet until the house’s interior didn’t speak of two people living there.

At the same time his anger at Anton experienced another boost. Grabbing one of the boxes Fili got out of the car and hurried over to the entrance door. Without any second thoughts he began hammering at it with his one hand, while his other kept ringing the doorbell in the most annoying rhythm he could come up with.

“Fili!” Dwalin hissed, heading over to him, Nori not far behind.

But the blond ignored him, assaulting the door as if it was Anton’s stupid face.

“You know that you are fucked if people call the police?” Nori asked him with a yawn, instead of stopping him he simply folded his arms in front of his chest, though.

“And? You would get me out of this without trouble, wouldn’t you?” Fili replied.

Nori huffed, but didn’t deny it.

It felt like an eternity until finally the lights switched on inside and a man opened the door. Fili didn’t know what he’d expected, perhaps a brawny guy like Dwalin or some sort of adonis, but certainly not that Anton would look so ordinary. He was clean shaven, his dark hair worn in an undercut and looking chubby around the midsection. He was someone Fili wouldn’t glance twice at, when seeing him on the street and this thought was utterly frightening, causing him to wonder how many of the men and women he’d glimpsed at in his life were actually tormenting their partners at home.

The smell of alcohol hit Fili, as he pushed Anton backwards to march inside.

“Hey!” the man protested, unable to prevent Fili and the others from entering.

As expected the flat was small, but clean – Kili’s work no doubt - save for some clothes and empty bottles lying around. They were standing in a comfortable living room with kitchenette, the furniture telling him this was one of those houses were one rented the furniture as well, since it was neither modern nor antiquated. An open door allowed a glimpse at the tiles of a bathroom, while a staircase at the end of the room led up to the first floor.

This was the staircase Kili had fallen down… the place where Kili could’ve died…

When Anton tried to shove him outside, Fili pushed him so hard, he stumbled against the couch, almost losing his balance.

“If you know what’s good for you, you will sit down and remain silent!” Fili spat.

“What the fuck… this is my house! Get out before I call the police!” he slurred.

“Oh, that’s not necessary,” Nori decided to step forward just then, smirking as he regarded the drunken man. “You see, the police are already here. So, I would advise you to remain calm, while we fetch the stuff of your ex, if you want to avoid trouble.”

Although what they were doing was probably still trespassing and not even Nori’s job could change that fact, but Anton was clearly too alcoholised to catch up with that. Instead of accepting this quietly, the guy began to frown with confusion, his gaze wandering to Fili. For a second his eyes widened with recognition, before the expression was dispelled by a sneer.

“Oh, you are the one screwing him?” he realised, unfazed by the way Fili glared at him. “He is such a good little slut, isn’t he? Have you already tried throwing him out? He loves it and will always come to you when you call him, the best whore you can find, I guarantee you.”

His fist collided with Anton’s cheekbone ere Fili felt his body moving. Something inside him seemed to have snapped at the image of Kili, cold and alone and hungry, out on the streets with no place to go, while this sick bastard wallowed in glee.

“Fucking bastard!” Fili bellowed, ready to jump at the other man, now lying on the floor.

He wasn’t able to leap at him, though, for an arm snatched around his waist and pulled him backwards.

“Let me go!”

“Calm down!”

“I won’t calm down! That sick bastard deserves it!”

“He does, but you don’t!” Dwalin snapped at him, shoving him into the bathroom and closing the door behind them, whereas Nori stayed with Anton.

Fili had half a mind to fight Dwalin’s grip off to attack Kili’s ex once more, but even shaking with anger he had enough common sense to realise that he didn’t stand a chance against his uncle. Lacking a better outlet for the wrath trying to devour him, he kicked the bathtub, hard. The pain surging through his foot silenced a part of the rage, but wasn’t able to stifle it completely. Cursing loudly, Fili tried to keep weight from his foot, as agony pounded through it.

“Shit,” he gasped. “He hurt him, Dwalin,” Fili admitted, leaning heavily against the wall. Suddenly all the exhaustion he hadn’t felt the whole night descended on him in the blink of an eye.

Dwalin sighed.

“I figured. But you can’t lose it or you will be the one going to prison. Nori might be able to cover up small things, but if you bludgeon that guy to death, not even he can help you.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

What good were all his intentions of making Kili feel at home and stuff like that, if he wasn’t able to heal the wounds in his soul? He could read and try to learn, but in the end, he couldn’t give Kili what he truly needed.

“You will take one step at a time,” Dwalin replied surprisingly soft, pulling him in a brief, but warm hug. “You will begin with fetching his stuff. Nori will help you and I will make sure that arsehole stays where it is and after that, you just take the things as they come.”

It sounded easy, when Dwalin phrased it like that, although Fili had no illusions about it. It would be difficult and a struggle for a good long while, but… but Kili was worth it…

Fili inhaled deeply, pushed away from the wall and nodded.

Catching Kili’s belongings didn’t take long, they were quickly detected, sticking out among the other stuff in the flat, and about an hour later they were already able to leave. The thought contained a mixture of relief and frustration. While he was happy to get away from this man and his toxic presence, he would feel better if there was more to return to Kili. Fili could only hope they hadn’t missed anything, even though he assumed what mattered most was that they had gotten Kili’s wallet with the identification documents.

Anton had been spitting threats of reporting them to the police, but Nori had simply shrugged it off and so Fili wasn’t concerned. He hoped Anton’s face would bruise, for everyone to see.

“Will Kili report him?” Nori asked him on the way back.

Fili shrugged tiredly.

“I don’t know. I fear he won’t. I think he just wants to forget about him.”

Nori hummed knowingly. Suddenly Fili couldn’t help but wonder how many of such cases Nori had already seen.

“Well, he can take his time and doesn’t need to decide now. Just make sure you document everything, take pictures of injuries for example, so you will have evidence if Kili changes his mind.”

“Of what good is it, though?” Fili asked with a sigh. “That bastard can always claim he didn’t cause the bruises.”

“Judges aren’t stupid, they are able to recognise the signs of abuse. But if Kili deems it too uncertain…”

Nori pulled out his phone.

_“Oh, you are the one screwing him? He is such a good little slut, isn’t he? Have you already tried throwing him out? He loves it and will always come to you when you call him, the best whore you can find, I guarantee you.”_

_Rustling._

_Yelling. Too loud to be comprehensible on the phone._

_“Should’ve hit that brat harder.”_

The last bit was muttered, probably after Dwalin had dragged Fili into the bathroom. Nori stopped the playback with a triumphant smirk.

“Just give me a call, when you need it.”

Fili had no idea how to thank Nori, but even when he attempted to utter his gratefulness, the redhead was having none of it.

They dropped Nori off, but instead of driving Fili home, Dwalin pulled over at his own flat.

“What-,” he began with confusion, unable to finish his question.

“Bring the car back by tomorrow, will you?”

“But-“

“No _buts_ , you and Kili don’t really need company at the moment, not even if it’s only to deliver some boxes. Quietness and rest is what you need, still, you better not crash my car or you will regret it!”

“Thank you,” Fili breathed, completely overwhelmed by the gesture. Dwalin merely smiled kindly, patting the driver’s seat to get the blond to move over and got out.

“Well, I’m off, need to catch some sleep,” he complained, but not with a certain amount of warmth in his voice.

After saying goodbye Fili headed home, of course not without stopping at the shop to buy strawberries and blueberries for the oatmeal he’d planned to make for breakfast. He knew that Kili preferred blueberries with oatmeal, but that strawberries were his favourite when it came to fruits in general and so just hadn’t managed to walk past the box, shining bright red with the delicious berries.

It was quiet, when he stepped into the house. The brunet was still asleep in the living room, had turned in his sleep, but didn’t appear like he’d awoken while Fili was away. Who knew when was the last time he’d slept undisturbed and in a safe environment? With a smile the blond tiptoed into the kitchen and set to work.

Sometime later, with the preparations of the oatmeal finished and the table set, Fili returned to the living room, this time walking over to the couch and crouching beside it. Gently he began to stroke Kili’s hair, enjoying how it felt under his fingers as he memorised the brunet’s peaceful expression.

“Kili,” Fili called him softly.

A little frown crept between the brunet’s brows.

“Breakfast is ready.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, leaving kudos and commenting! I hope you enjoyed the story, despite it's heavy topic!

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually supposed to be a one-shot at first, but it got far too long (again -_-) and so I decided to post it as a multi-chapter fic. 
> 
> A big thank-you and lots of kudos to [Vickymaus](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Vickymaus/pseuds/Vickymaus), who helped me with a certain scene of this story when I was stuck! :)


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